Snapshots of the Past

     Everytime I hear his name, his wide smile fills up my mind. His sparkling eyes that stares at me gives me chills. I like his boisterous laugh where you can see his hundred teeth that you even need to wear sunglasses so your eyes wouldn't be hurt. His weird voice that makes my heart skip a beat everytime he sings (especially when he knows that he's out of tune), his jokes that makes me laugh even though it's not funny. He goes there beside me, just staring on what am I doing. He even threw me pick-up lines that makes me blush. He's so good to me whenever I feel nobody does. He's the only who cares for me when no one did. I like everything he does, I like what's in him. I LIKE HIM.


     He cheered me up when I was down. He treated me like a princess. He let me feel special even in a short time. Questions are conquering my mind again...


Is he the one for me?
Will I experience what my friends does?
Can I relate myself to them more?
@koralike_ | kairms.blogspot.com

     I left them unanswered. I want HIM to answer it for me.


"Yes, I am the one for you. The one you've been waiting for so many years. Yes darling, we'll experience what they are doing but we'll do it more better than them. You'll relate yourself to them more for we'll be making our very own love story that will be written in the history."


     Of course, I am daydreaming! Probably, it may happen on some books, but never in the reality. I'm used to it, to be hurt. Three rejections. Three big rejections that almost ruined my life. When I attempted at my first, I stopped myself for I am too young. The second one, he doesn't like me, but my best friend, he does. The third one... he ignores me and he really torn my heart. In this fourth attempt, I wish he'll never break it for it took me years to heal it...


     Oh! He's my source of joy. I don't know why, but I'm extremely happy when I'm with him. He's the one who usually wipes my tears; he gives me his words of wisdom. He always wanted to reach out for me that makes me feel that I'm special to him. He said that he's happy with me. Is it? Am I special to him? I hope so...


     But the only permanent in this world is change.


     After one month of sweetness, everything is just a memory now. His sweetness turned into bitterness. I can still hear his sweet lines, but that's not for me anymore, but into somebody else. He's the one who wipes my tears but now, he's the reason behind it. I see him happy, but I really hope that I'm still the one, the one behind his smiles, but definitely not. He found someone better than me! He sees that I don't care, but deep inside myself, I'm holding back my tears. I'm breaking inside. I thought he's the one. He helped me to move on for my third attempt. He told me that he's happy with me. I thought there's a SPARK between us, but I think, I'm the only one who feels it. We used to do what we usually do everytime we're together, but now, he's doing it with someone else.


     Hey, I'm sorry! I was serious on what we we're doing, but it was just a fling for you. Yes, a fling. All this time. I thought there was something, but there's none. I thought you're the heaven's sent for my agonizing heart, but no. You weren't. Everything was scripted; you manipulated me, gave me false hopes... how dare you to play with my heart... Well I'm moving on for I am tired of this. Fourth attempt, failed. No, I won't stop loving for the sake of loving me back. I will come back stronger... and thank you for the memories, it's just a snapshot of the past now.

Usually Sacred

     "It is very alarming that we know more facts about our idols than the policies of our school and our parents' guidelines.", says a friend of mine. Yeah, she has a point. It's true. For us? Does it seem right? I know that some of you are confused but most of us teenagers do this, most of the time.

@koralike_ | kairms.blogspot.com

     I still remember those cold nights and a candle was our only source of heat and light. We were there in a room, praying the rosary. There's an interaction wherein mother says the lines and we answer back. I can hear Mom's sincerity while saying the prayer, so do I. My younger brother caught Mom's attention, all of a sudden for he keeps on yawning and there's his pair of eyes, blinking, showing no interest in what we're doing. Mom just gave a death glare. I don't know how should I react for we stopped for a while. I just showed no emotion at all. I saw my brother, stunned. After a few seconds, he finally realized that what we're doing is a sacred act -- praying so he sat down properly and he composed himself quickly. Mom just flashed a smile and we continued the prayer peacefully.

     The next day, we prepared everything before we go to school. The packed lunch, our  bags, and even ourselves were ready. Even the elementary school bus was there. I look at my brother's eyes, and I can see he's terrified. I saw mother's flaming eyes because of what my younger brother did. Well what did he do anyway? There he was, standing in front of the mirror, doing poses because he was so jolly. He used the rosary as an accessory. Mother shouted at the loudest voice she could...

"Are you possessed by a demon? Why are you wearing the rosary?! Only possessed people wear that!"

     My younger brother was left there, standing.

"But Mom, i-it's the n-new trend!" he replied, stammering.

"I used to be slapped whenever I try to do those things! Can't you see? It's sacred! Remove that rosary or I'll do something you wouldn't like." my mother's response.

     My younger brother removed the rosary fastly as his tears fell down to his face. His face turned red for he was ashamed; thinking if our schoolmates heard it. I wiped his tears and left the last words...

"It will be alright." and then we left the house.

     That night after the incident, my mom usually talks to us to ask how we were doing in school after we pray the rosary. It's like a family meeting, but I really feel that this one's different.

     "What happened to the new generation? Is this the way how you respect the holy things? By using them as an accessory? As far as I know, rosary necklaces, rosary bracelets is an all new trend in the market. But wearing them without the blessing of the priests will bring you nothing. So wearing it simply means that you're displaying it. For what? Good compliments? That you're so religious that you should go to heaven? Mentioning about religious, your standpoint nowadays is always like this, 'the more religious things you wear, the more religious you are!' But the bottom line is, do you even go to church to attend the mass? Now, being a part of the new generation, you should know your limitations as well as the DO's and DON'Ts." Mom told us. We we're there, quiet and our head faces the floor. Mom's right. Respect begins with respect because sacred things turned out into usually sacred.

The Light Fades Out In Her

       "NO! Don't tempt us to eat that. We're prohibited to eat or  drink something cold and sweet." she said irritably. Why is that she's always short-tempered? Maybe the reason why is that the  cute kid keeps on blurting out that he wants to share his scramble with us. Why is that so? I don't even know. The kid just wants to share what he got then she got irritated all of a sudden? Well I guess she's on her period, but that doesn't mean she can't control her temper. I really felt sorry for the kid for I saw his face turned blue. He's didn't do anything wrong, besides he's nice, he got that bubbly personality that shows his innocence so how come she got irritated to this little angel? The light fades out in her.

     She's nice, yes. She's good at speaking for she had a good accent. She threw her lines perfectly, she's still wearing the same shirt that labels her personality, she's still my friend, but why is that I felt something unusual; it seems like something changed. I can't figure it out at this time, but there's something wrong... I guess the light fades out in her.

      After some hours of bustling training, we performed our voice show. We recorded it and we decided that we'll practice more. We need to polish everything, but we're only given one day to polish it, but it ended up now, unsatisfied on what we've executed. Even though I wanted to practice more to perfect it, I need to follow my schedule for this day. I'm still deciding to attend the meeting or go home and take a rest. My conscience tells me to attend while my body tells me to rest. I asked her opinion...

"Aattend ka ba sa meeting mamaya?" I asked her.

"No." she said coldly.

"Bakit?" I asked her again.

     Questions started running through my mind. My curiosity drained when I heard her answer...

"Kasi ayoko, saka 'di pa ako nagpapaalam kila Mama." she stated while packing her things.

     I was left there. Standing. Is she still my friend that has the eagerness to serve Him? Why does she turned out like this? What happened to her? I remained silent for I'm sensing that she'll say something more.

"Pinag-iisipan ko nga 'rin pala kung iiwan ko 'yung TK. Besides, hindi naman ako kawalan eh." she continued.

     My heart broke down into pieces on what I've heard. Why? Why did she turned out like this? Is there something wrong? I don't want this feeling, I felt my sweet smile cleared out rapidly and it turned out into a bitter one.  I feel like, I'm the reason why she turned out like this, but my mind says that I did nothing wrong to her. Why all of a sudden? Oh yes! The light fades out in her.

     I still remember the tough times when she badly need our prayers for her special someone that occupies half of her heart. As her friend, I included her someone into my prayers, every night and day, sincerely. My effort paid off, her special someone got a little stronger. I saw that she flashed a smile into me, and her eyes is like telling me "Thank you". I just winked at her and we went to the church for our practice.

     She wants to be updated on the organization at all times, she gets angry when she's not informed. She's an active member. She's great because she never says "NO" to new experiences that welcomes her. I guess her faith was going strong. She's leaving her shell already. She interacts with other people and I love to see her bright aura. Her light shined and left the darkness. She's improving. 

I really hope that her attitude continues. Until...

"NO! Don't tempt us to eat that. We're prohibited to eat or drink something cold and sweet." she said irritably.

     I don't even know what happened, who changed her like that, when and where did it took place, why and how. I don't want her to stay in that way, I know that I need to do something because the light fades out in her.