Let You Go

                   

          At first, I did what I think that's right.... to let you go. To avoid you. To forget you because it's like you're telling me that it's for the better even though you didn't approach me or anything. Maybe because that's the only way to move on. I did it. I did what you wanted me to do. But at least once, have you ever asked yourself if I liked what  I did? 

          Sometimes, I don't know why does my heart keeps on fooling around even though it knows it hurts. Don't you know that while I'm following what my mind says, my heart shouts "Can't you just hold on a little bit longer?"

          Sweet. But deep inside, while I'm following my head like a robot that everything it commands, I kept following, my tears are dropping a little bit and my heart do break into tiny pieces. Bits. I keep on asking myself, "I didn't give up but you already did. Why is it like that?!"

          But they say that "There's no perfect love. Everything should face struggles. If you get tired or refuse, just let it rest and it'll come back again." I look forward that it may happen. But it didn't. Even though I doubled my effort. tripled it too I guess... but I waited for nothing. I was so sincere when I expressed my feelings for that letter but you ended it up being a joke. It's so damn hard to bring back those days when we're still talking to each other and we do some stuffs together. I'm so sorry. It was my fault too. I shouldn't expect too much. I should've hold on. I shouldn't let you go. I shouldn't forget you and kept still. I should've fight for you for that you may fight for me as well... I-I kinda like you that time... I shouldn't let you go.

                               

Loss: To Feel or Not To Feel

               

     My memories come as isolated snapshots now, a kaleidoscope of colorful fragments that somehow add up to a MAN I once called MINE. I accept the loss in stages, quietly closing one door and moving on to the next. Healing is a process, gradual and slow.
www.iamsuperkyla.blogspot.com / SuperKyla :3
     How do I keep this from being a life long lesson? How do I keep it an isolated incident something so over aching, so devastating, so pervasive in my life still? How do I keep from being crippled by it? The answer, I believe... If there is such a thing as a concise answer to such questions is to slowly learn to live with the loss and not under it, to let it become a companion rather that a guide. I won't say this is easy; I know how hard it can be. But I also know it can be done, and I know the comfort that comes from hearing how other coped with similar challenges and fears. It'a like a loud sound in an empty house, it echoes on and on. The sounds of silence left to echo without response, become more haunting than the actual words. 

     This time, though the pain refused to stay underground. As the initial shock of separation wore off, I began to cry with a ferocity that, quiet literally, one night brought me to my knees. It didn't matter that I was the one who walked away; I still felt abandoned and completely alone. 

     It hurts me more than I can express to hear he's still hurt. He asked me, "How are you?". After a pause, I said I'm doing fine. I asks how he's been, and he says "Fine". Another pause, and then we say goodbye. 

     I remember what he gave, what he made, what he did. What we were to each other, what he taught me, what I learned at him. That he made things, that he made words, that he fed me with so much love. Where he had dreamed of going, what our first words were and how he had quarreled with me. 

     I am fooling myself when I say he exists now only in the photograph or in the outline of my hand or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. He lives on beneath everything I do. His presence influenced who I was, and his absence influence who I am. Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide. Loss is our legacy.

Women are SPECIAL ♥

           

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."www.iamsuperkyla.blogspot.com / SuperKyla :3
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked,

"God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart the
place where love resides.

- Credits to the owner

Dear Public Servants...

 Dear Public Servants,

www.iamsuperkyla.blogspot.com / SuperKyla :3

          Well, what do you get when you boast something? Aside from being famous for the clothes you wear, its brand, the designer, the materials used for making those clothes and the amount of money you guys paid for that lavish dress you'll just use for only half a day, what else? Nothing, right? I know that you're all like, "So what are you fighting for?" or "The heck is your problem?". Don't pretend that you know nothing! You guys do this, all the time.

          Why you guys can't be simple? Why do you always think that you should always look perfect to the public? Don't you know what your positions are and your purposes for this country? Let me remind you that you are not models but public servants. You guys are attending SONA, not Grammy's nor FAMAS'. You guys aren't even in Hollywood. You guys should know your limitations and don't you know that the way you dress up reflects your personality yet you guys always want to show off! Can't you just be contented and keep in your big brains that "I just want to be presentable but not in an extravagant way... I'm a public servant, not a dummy so why wear these lavish clothes?". (Prudish? If you say so.) Your standpoint is always like the more expensive clothes you wear, the more popularity votes you get. There's more! You always want to brag that "Hey! Your dress is so cheap, so do you. Look at mine, this is what you call class and elegance!" Oh shut up. It's on the person's way of carrying that dress! (Well, if ithe shoe fits in, feel free to wear it..) Showing off your souls to the public is what you call SIMPLE? Geez, seriously? That's what you call simplicity? (Mind if you'll just wear your bikinis and trunks... Wouldn't it be better?) All I can say is that being simple is hardly even from you, right? (Truth hurts. Yes)

          Enough with that! Instead of buying clothes that costs a million you'll just wear for only half a day, why not donating it to some organizations or raising a feeding program, why don't you? With that, you've helped the less fortunate, another deed with sense! (Seems legit.)

          We've had enough. Good thing our President thought of an idea on having uniforms to avoid extravagance. I hope that he'll make a move about that... Let's just wait in the 2014. Hope you guys didn't use the money of the country you guys collected from taxes for your stupid dresses...

                     

Sigarilyo pa! (Story for Lk 14: 1-14)

                            

          Nakakainis, hindi ko alam kung bakit ko pa kailangang pumunta dito. Marami na naman sila eh. Kaya na nila 'yan. Dapat kanina pa ako nagpapakasaya sa bahay nila Mark. Pesteng GRADUATION ni Macky! Hindi ko tuloy pwedeng ilabas 'yung sigarilyo ko. Baka makita ni Dadz. HMFFT! Sabik na sabik na akong humithit ng sigarilyo. Oo, BABAE ako. Eh anong paki niyo? Eto ako eh. AKO SI JANE. Hah. Inosenteng-inosenteng TRESE at sa edad kong 'to, marunong na akong mag-yosi. Salamat kay Mareng Rona at tinuruan niya ako.
www.iamsuperkyla.blogspot.com / SuperKyla :3
"Iha, ayos ka lang ba? Parang 'di ka mapakali." bungad sa akin ng isa pang peste sa buhay ko, ang tatay ko.

"Oks lang ako Dadz. Ge, upo na kayo 'dun. Bibili lang ako ng pagkain ko." pagsisinungaling ko sa kanya. Buti pinayagan niya ako. Nagbigay pa ng extrang pera si Dadz para bilhan niya ko sila ng pagkain. HAH! Asa naman siya! Ipang-hihithit ko na lang 'to ng sigarilyo. Mas masaya pa.

          Lumapit ako sa tindahan. Bumili ako ng dalawang kaha dahil alam kong kukulangin ako kung isang kaha lang ang bibilhin ko. Kinapa ko 'yung bulsa ko. Tanging cellphone at wallet lang 'yung nakapa ko. ASAN 'YUNG LIGHTER KO?!

"SHIT! Naiwan ko 'yung lighter ko!" napailing na lang ako. Naiwan ko sa bag ni Mama 'yung lighter shit! Sana 'di niya makita, baka paghinalaan niya ako na naninigarilyo ako...

"Teh, may lighter pa kayo?" pagtanong ko sa tindera.

"Wala na iha." sagot niya ng may pagkadismaya.

"Putangina! Nagtindahan pa kayo kung wala kayong lighter!" sagot ko ng pabalik na may pagkainis.

" 'Di ba't masyado ka pang bata para diyan?" pag-usisa niya.

"Wala akong paki sa opinyon at nararamdaman mo! Leche ka! Tindera ka lang! Oh eto pera! 'Nang matahimik na 'yang bunganga mo!" sagot ko ng pabalag.

          Hindi naman pala lahat ng mangyayari sa araw na 'to eh puro masama. Bakit? May nakita akong matanda na nagsisigarilyo. Nilapitan ko siya at sinabing..

"Tang, pasindi naman oh." sabi ko.

"Ganyan na ganyan 'din ako nuon." sabay sindi sa yosi ko.

"Oh tapos?" pag-usisa ko.

"Trese 'din ako 'nung una akong humithit ng sigarilyo." sabi ni tanda.

          Hah! Wala pala 'to si tanda eh. Ako nga, nakatikim na ako ng shabu 'nung Grade 5 ako at natutong uminom 'nung Grade 6. 'Di kapanipaniwala ano? Eh 'di 'wag kang maniwala! Paki ko sa'yo?

"Kinse ako ng natuto akong magsugal." sabi ni tanda.

"Oh? Ako na yata ang pinakamalupit makipagpustahan sa amin eh. Hah!" pagmamayabang kong sabi.

          Napailing si Tanda. Aba, ayos 'yan.

"17 ako nang magkaroon ako ng syota.." sabi niya habang nakatitig sa mag-asawa na naglalakad.

"Ako nga, naka-ilan na eh!" pagmamataas ko.

"Ang sarap sa feeling ano? Parang may caretaker ka na mahal mo 'din... Feeling mo ligtas ka sa tabi niya. Na kayo na para sa isa't-isa.." pagpapatuloy ni Tanda.

"Naging mag-asawa kayo Tatang?" tanong ko.

"Hah. 'Yun lang. Hindi kami naging mag-asawa. Ang saklap no? Siya 'yung first love ko na 'di ko inaasahan na tatagal kami ng 12 na taon. Bakit kami 'di naging mag-asawa? Kasi ano nga ba ang magiging kinabukasan niya sa akin? Eh buong buhay ko, isang lang akong janitor hanggang sa takasan ako ng kaluluwa ko." pagkukwento ni Tanda.

"Wala ho kayong promotion?!" pagsasalita ko habang nagpipigil ng luha.

"Wala eh. Grade 3 lang natapos ko. Naiinis nga ako eh, Pati janitor kelangan graduate ka eh maglilinis ka lang naman! Hahaha! Pero nag-aaral uli ako, scholar ba." tuloy niyang pagkwento.

"Eh asan na po 'yung syota niyo?" tanong ko.

"Ah. Ayun, nakapangasawa ng mayaman. Eh wala eh. Kung mahal mo, pakawalan mo." saad niya.

          Doon na bumuhos ang luha ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.

"Bakit niya ako pakakasalan, eh kahit bisyo ko 'di ko na kayang ibili para sa sarili ko. Last na yosi ko na 'to. 'Di na kasi ako makakabili uli." sabay tapon sa yosi niya.

          Lalo akong umiyak. Humahagulgol ako sa harap niya. Sa 'di kalayuan, magiging katulad niya ako kung 'di ako magseseryoso sa pag-aaral ko. Ayokong mangyari 'yun. Ayokong mangyari 'yung dumating na 'yang araw na lilisanin ko 'tong mundo eh walang iiyak para sa akin. Na dahil 'di ako nakatulong sa pamilya ko, na bulakbok ako, kababae kong tao. Na puro yaman sa lupa lang meron ako dahil sa mga kaibigan ko.

"Pasensya ka na iha., napa-MMK tuloy ako sa'yo. Nakikita ko kasi sarili ko sa'yo eh. Hahaha! O siya, mauna na ako!" pagpapaalam ni Lolo.

"Kawawa naman si Tatang, pambisyo niya na lang, 'di niya pa maipambili." bulong ko sa sarili.

          Narinig ko ang mga palakpakan. Nagsimula na pala ang Graduation. Napailing na lang ako nang makita ko si Tatang nang makita ko siya sa stage.

                       "Valedictorian for S.Y. 2012-2013, Lolo "Felix" Cabayungan!"

Narinig kong maghiyawan ang mga bata. "Lolo! Lolo! Lolo!"